Who Watch Part 15: Screw you, John Nathan Turner

Story 127 Enlightenment

Ham! Ham! Ham everywhere! Ham on pirate ships! Ham on yachts! Not so much with the guardians. They held back as much as the script allowed. How, I do not know. If I saw the White Guardian's headpiece, I'd either turn into a Vriginia Backed Ham to pretend it was okay or die laughing. Fun story about him... there's a fanclub out this way called Knights of the White Guardian. It's happened on multiple ocassions that outsider think "white dragon" and thus mistake a Doctor Who fanclub for a KKK orginization.

Story 128 The King's Demons
If I was into drugs, I'd do some research as to what John Nathan Turner was on when he decided that Kamelion would be a good idea. Okay maybe for one episode but a barely mobile mess joining the TARDIS crew? And The Master wanting to stop the Magna Carta? What's next? The Master steals sugar from a supermarket on Christmas Eve? Shit. It just keeps getting worse.

Story 131 The Awakening
Crap. Just crap. I mean... crap. At least the lovable little urchin you want to strangle didn't get to ride along.

Story 132 Frontios
Not a bad oncept I guess. Execution though. Yeah. Production value cesspool. I am apparently reviewing drunk and angry or something. Everything is pissing me off.

Story 133 Resurrection of the Daleks
Now this I can get behind. The Daleks, even riddled by disease, are a viable threat. Davros is a suitably evil scumbag. There's the right amount of inexcusable wholesale slaughter. Plus Teagan goes away. Great story!

Story 134 Planet of Fire
JNT-era Master + Kamelion in a single story? Yeah. This hurts. Oh and Peri makes me miss Teagan. The voice. The senseless T&A. The complete and utter uselessness and reliance upon The Doctor. She needs to be drowned or something. Hey at least no one would be stupid enough to keep her around for more than a couple episodes, right?

Story 135 The Caves of Androzani
I dig Davison as The Doctor. Just wish he got some better material to work with. More time passes, more shitty ideas, awful companions, bad scripts. I get that there was a whole lot of pressure and very little money. However, I don't get why funds can be sunk into crap like Kamelion and not walking more than five feet to find a companion superior to Peri. At least she's useless against an interesting baddie this time. Ah well. GO JNT GO! KILL THE SHOW SLOWLY! Also, not so sure about Colin Baker he looked a bit ... arch for the role. 

Who Watch Pt. 13: Davison ist... not that bad really.

Story 118 Kinda

Nice to see them going scary after years of overly goofy repetition. There was some actual malevolence. Slight bonus over the earlier Davison episodes I've seen of late wherein higher concept stuff is actually pulled off. Not really sure WTF they were doing with the companions though. It was as though the producers felt this immense sense of relief at having an actor who could work well with others and just piled them into the TARDIS. Then for this episode someone realized there were too many around, had one go off camera for a flimsy reason, another pass out, and the last of them get trapped. Rather than go the logical route and have The Doctor strike out on his own a 4th companion- who only sticks around for this story- comes in. Otherwise, far fewer glaring issues than the rest. Hoping they kill off or otherwise remove a companion soon. They clearly overstuffed the TARDIS and need to resolve it. Really awesome supporting cast here. Managed to portray madness convincingly instead of just chewing scenery loudly. Already don't miss Baker!

Story 120 Black Orchid

Nice to see a historically set story that doesn't need an alien to maintain interest. Got a fairly simple but engaging murder mystery/mistaken identity thing going on. Very refreshing after seeing Bidmead's overly convoluted messes recently.

Story 56 The Mind of Evil
I'm sort of glad that the BBC lost the color version of this episode. Somehow, a machine with a blinky light on top seems much more effective in black and white. I mean the idea of something storing then releasing ultimate evil and subsequent anarchy is scary. However, it looks to be housed in a rather tacky 70's lamp. Ah well. If one wants high production values, seeking them on Classic Who is beyond stupid. Loved the story but that's a given when Delgado is involved.

Story 59 The Dæmons

Dig the concept, daddio. Mankind is an experiment run by what we came to call demons, who have given us sporadic assistance to progress the species. The Master calls them back to demand power as the clearly superior being. Lucifer is a lie. The priest is fake. The Witch has it wrong too. Religion is stupid! SCIENCE SCIENCE SCIENCE. Sorry, the story is honestly a bit more subtle than all that.  I just woke up. This is one of the goodies.

Story 61 The Curse of Peladon

Interesting to see The Doctor be an idiot. Ice Warriors cannot change! They are remorseless warriors! They... just saved his ass. Nice story, deftly told and well acted.

Story ??? Shada

I got my hands on the VHS edition with linking narraration by Tom Baker. What's left is pretty middle of the road. There's an egomanical genius seeking ultimate power. He does so in a convoluted, mildly confusing way. It's got some nice bits. Particularly dug the ship that fell in love with The Doctor. Also nice to see someone else who went on to be a part of Waiting for God. Sadly, he's no Saldeen and just flounces around being confused. 

Story 117  Four to Doomsday

The Doctor saves the day from a megalomaniac who wishes to do us all the favor of ending our lives since flesh is ever so flawed by TOSSING A CRICKET BALL! Yeah. I get that Davison's Doctor wore a stylized cricket outfit but Black Orchid had enough of the game to convince me I can't care about the sport. No fault of their's really. Now Adric being an annoying brat... that I can blame them for. Sure the kid is an idealist but nearly getting Nyssa killed because he can't see through an extremely transparent villain? I HEREBY SENTENCE ADRIC TO DEATH!

Who Watch Part 12: OMG I totally should've planned this so there were 13 parts and called each one a regeneration so Whovians got pissed and invoked the 12 regenerations rule. Easier than promoting properly!

Story 106 The Creature from the Pit
Never thought I'd welcome the voice of K-9. However, the swap in this season . . . it hurts. New dude  is even more annoying when doing a robo-voice. OH MAN! Erato is awesome! They really robbed us in Frontier of Space by panning away from the amorphous blob of a monster but here it has more lines than some of  the humanoids. Special features tell me that the show-runners got in trouble for how poorly it was executed. Honestly, the person who conceived Erato was to blame. Something of that scale on a budget that size just isn't going to happen. Anyhow, I'm liking this season better than the last. Baker has better chemistry with Ward so the viewer suffers less. Of course, the previous  Romana started as an equal then became another damsel tied to the tracks so I'm guessing she got a bit pissed and stormed off. Fun episode, all told.

Story 108 The Horns of Nimon

I'm not sure if the design of the Nimon was caused by budget or done semi-deliberately. It crossed a beetle with a minotaur. The first one hid in a labyrinth and it was revealed they acted like locusts. So, the horns and the headpiece make sense. However, why they need to wear platform shoes is beyond me. It makes them extra stumbly. 

That aside, who can care about them as villains when there's Graham Crowden doing a Johnathan Pryce impression attacking every bit of scenery in sight? He skipped down hallways holding a shower curtain rod with a crystal doorknob on top, laughed maniacally, and held on just long enough at the end to squeeze out the final word in "you're all doomed, DOOMED." Honestly, I didn't notice much else besides him. Just such a brilliant un-nuanced performance!

Story 109 The Leisure Hive

It's kind of funny. Live action version of How the Grinch Stole Christmas and Cat in the Hat had large budgets and managed to turn Seuss' artwork into monstrosities. Yet, here's a show with notoriously low budgets which managed to make an alien race look about twenty times closer. Of course, one of them is supposed to be the heavy so his recalling the type of Who down in Whoville wasn't desirable. Luckily, Pangol is convincing enough to overcome his wacky hair and candy colored skin a bit and convey a bit of genocidal maniac. Fairly interesting post-apocalyptic madman story with some non-intrusive pseudo science and decent old age makeup. Nothing really struck me as groundbreaking or momentum generating but by this point in Baker's run, I'm pretty okay with the show not descending into goofy whackadoodle exploits full of The Doctor openly resenting everyone around him. 

Story 110 Meglos

Nice to see an episode not  marred by inadequate effects. Some of the doomsday device shots were a bit model-y but Baker vs. Baker looked decent and I liked the prickly cactus man makeup. It was also great to see Jacqueline Hill again. Didn't realize how much I missed Barbara until the actress showed up playing someone else. All in all, a jolly good romp.

Story 114 The Keeper of Traken

Yay! The Master is back! Wasn't initially sold on Ainsley because I loved Delgado so much. However, something in that smirk after stealing some new flesh made me giddy for the possibilities. That's not to undersell the pre-skin version. He behaved a bit less classy than the Master, IMO, should be. As the story progressed, it became apparent that this was a result of his physical state. The portrayal held things together nicely. Shame in a way that Geoffrey Beevers by default got overshadowed by the re-debut of a full-flesh master. Looking forward to the next couple stories to see how they handled things. Very hopeful that it works out so maybe the reliance on Daleks can reduce.

Story 115 Logopolis

There's a TARDIS within a TARDIS within a TARDIS! The auton with a feather boa HE'S THE 5TH DOCTOR WITHIN THE LIFE OF THE 4TH DOCTOR! MATH SHALL DEFEAT ENTROPY! Yeah. Writer got a bit big for his britches here. Shame that Tom went out on this turkey.

Story 116 Castrovalva
Ah but that time two days ago when I was all excited for the return of The Master! That was before  I knew that "written by Christopher Bidmead" meant "full of interesting ideas which a fair portion of the episode will be dedicated to fairly confusing exposition of." Ainsley I can be a bit more forgiving of. Delgado set the bar ridiculously high and had astounding chemistry with Pertwee. Anyhow, I think Davison did a decent job filling the shoes placed before him. His Hartnell impression was a bit shrill but it was refreshing to see someone be professional enough  he didn't need to be in love with an actress to work well with her. Don't get me wrong; I liked Baker overall. There were just times where his being a bitch hurt the show. Anyhow, I can see myself watching this one again whereas I'd probably stick to reading a summary of Logopolis to get the elements necessary for coherency.

Who Watch Pt 7: Tonsillectomies Suck

Story 055 Terror of the Autons
Ah sweet, sweet, Delgado. I enjoyed The Sound of Drums and End of Time version of The Master well enough. However, this one just has so much more class. He comes across as a Moriarty instead of a spoiled sadistic club kid. Autons also worked well in the classic episodes because they were supposed to be made of plastic. So a few unclean edges or blatantly fake facial appliances make perfect sense. Such well executed villains + Pertwee + Brigadier = awesomesauce.


Story 057 The Claws of Axos
Creepy statuesque angelic beings offer man a quick way to attain ultimate power which turns out to be a deadly world-eating poison. This one made me consider getting Amazon Prime to reliably stream classic episodes. The library's copy was covered in oil and scratched to hell. By the time I got it working, I was too tired to watch the special features that make the DVDs so worthwhile. Probably need to rewatch this sans technical glitches to fully appreciate.

Story 072 Death to the Daleks
Interesting to see the Daleks unarmed and outmatched. Didn't lead to character development persay. Just revealed they were the same old arrogant killing machines. Cool serial all told.

Story 129 The Five Doctors
Sometimes, I want to punch Tom Baker. Richard Hurndall did a decent Hartnell impression. However, stepping up his role when Tom bailed served to drive home everything he got wrong. Ainley wasn't bad as The Master but did make me miss Delgado. All in all, the whole thing felt insanely clumsy and made me miss The Three Doctors.

Story 045 The Mind Robber
Not really sure how I feel about this serial. Whenever Jamie and Zoe went missing, Troughton became a whiny little emo bitch. The first couple episodes were kinda crap then the plot took a nice little twist. By the end, it was a joyous romp. Right up until the robots got a "destructa-beam." Then it got cringeworthy.

Story 046 The Invasion
Well done. Troughton is quirky and awesome. Despite having eight parts, there's minimal drag to the story. The animation is remarkably effective for recreation of lost episodes. Hell, even the features were informative and watchable. Plus this may be the first Cyberman story to make me understand why they recur so much. Only had one "heeey it's silver Doc Martens" moment. Otherwise, I was on the edge of my seat hoping Jamie would make it. Nice up-the-kilt-shot obscuring on the ladder too.

Story 044 The Dominators
There are times where the depth of storytelling, characterization, performances, etc. obscure the fact Doctor Who began geared towards children. Then there are things like the Quarks. Holy attempt at a second Dalek Mania, Batman! Thing is Quarks manage to be even less frightening than when Daleks couldn't leave specially charged panels in one location. They're so grade-school arts and crafts in design and their voices are "aww lookit the little mechanized bear" Sci-Fi pap. Plus, Quarks only kill if guys wearing mudflap shirts and sea shell shoulder pads look at the camera and scream "DESTROY" while doing a gleeful little jig. I guess The Doctor helping people who wouldn't help themselves aspect of the story was nice for the character but everything else hurt. Maybe four parts worth of material here, but barely.

Watchin' the Who Part 5: Almost up to Real Time, Bitches

Story 130 - Warriors of the Deep
On paper, this episode wasn't a bad idea. The Sea Devils introduced the idea of a team-up with Silurians which could pose a nearly unparalleled threat to Earth. Add to that a writer with love for Alien and this should have been one of the most terrifying Who stories ever told. Sadly, almost nothing went right. It was too well lit to have anything approximating atmosphere or character. The equivalent of the Xenomorph became a bearded pantomime horse shedding green paint on cast and sets. Sea Devils put on goofy samurai outfits concealing 3/4 of their distinctive features. Words like "pacing" or "storytelling" didn't apply at all. Davison did an admirable job trying to lend the story an iota of merit but I am not sure Olivier could carry something this bad. Only way it could've been worse was if  they added a flock of Adric clones who hugged Ewoks non-stop for a full episode.

 Story 082 - Pyramids of Mars
An Egyptian god was part an alien race hellbent on universal conquest and can only be stopped by some rather clever people with a pervasive love for Earth. With a bit of adaptation the premise of this episode sounds quite a bit like Stargate. It's a bit awesomer with a scarf and some downright witty writing.

Story 066 - Carnival of Monsters
As a kid, I would sometimes wonder what would happen if my Viewmaster was a microscope and little people were embedded in the reels. According to this episode, Pertwee would cause a marsh to explode with a sonic screwdriver and kick the asses of monsters whose asses everyone knows cannot be kicked. I adore that man. He is just pure class. Absolutely brilliant Doctor.

Story 067 - Frontier in Space
Apparently, what man will most fear in the future are dudes with rubbery facial polyps, uniform beards, and outfits borrowed from Oz. Little shall they know that The Master pulls their strings! Bwahahahaha. About the only thing about this story that sucks is Delgado died afterwards. Otherwise, it has great pacing and twists only foreseeable if one reads some spoilers. I guess the Oz-ian Draconians are a bit cheesy/grating but Delgado and Pertwee together is pure magic.

Story 068 - Planet of the Daleks
Gargh. Thalls. Ick. At least some of them die horribly. Plus, there is some great model work going on. Not so sure why an invisible race would decide to use the fur of Grimace. Sure the planet gets cold but Snuffleupagus would blend in better with trees. All kidding aside, Pertwee is fairly brilliant even managing to play off the dull, monotonous of the Thall race.

Story 070 - The Time Warrior
I was pretty much destined to love this story. It introduced Sarah Jane Smith. I loved that character so much I named a puppy after her. As a bonus, it was a fun tale. A Sontaran lands in medieval times and sets about arming a robber baron anachronistically. By the third or fourth straight-up history story during the Hartnell era they started to become an exercise in endurance. This one had a story beyond "a man from the future and his companions get captured by ignorant savages then escape last second." Plus, Pertwee brought the kungfu poses which look absolutely smashing with his stylish jackets.

Story 071 - 025 The Gunfighters
Oh man. This one was an exceptionally awkward historical piece with multiple musical numbers. About the only thing approximating a highlight was when the Doctor introduced himself as Dr. Caligari instead of using the Smith alias. Otherwise, a real snoozer.