Sarcasti-tasting Vol. 1: Mystic Descendant Suffolk Dark Ale Batch 01

The first batch of Descendant was released on 10/21/2011. Let us take a bit of a look at how this was stored and consumed.

This is a cat. He is standing in snow. Snow is outside. There is sunlight outside. Sunlight is bad for beer. I did not keep the bottle here.

This is a cellar. Notice the lack of light in the cellar. That, in combination with a fairly constant temperature, is much better than the backyard when it comes to storing beer for prolonged periods.

The above pot was just used to make gravy. The residue would taint the beer. In addition, it is still hot from the cooking. The bottle text of Descendant is so gracious as to suggest a serving temperature of 50 degrees so I did not serve the beer in this vessel. Furthermore, it is in fact what we call a "dick move" to serve beer in a tainted vessel then post a review.

For beer consumption, I prefer to use what we call a glass. Notice that it contains this wonderful substance called water. It is very handy for cleansing both glassware and palates. This particular glass was used with an IPA earlier. Allowing this to mix with Descendant then writing about it anyhow would be bad. Instead, I opted to clean it out thoroughly Then to be sure that the aforementioned gravy didn't taint my taste-buds, I rinsed those using water.

This is a glass of mead. It was poured for someone else. I will not be discussing this beverage as it has nothing to do with Descendant and using review text to go off on tangents about something completely different makes the person a beer advo--- er dick hole.

Notice that the bottle of beer is now sitting next to the clean glass. I cannot yet discuss the beer as seeing the vessel is not the same as seeing, tasting, or smelling the beer itself.

This is a cork. It is attached to a corkscrew. I used this as I intended to review/discuss the beer and spending any portion of the text on how pretentious, stupid, or dangerous corks are is sort of like saying "I am not evolved enough to use anything but a bottle opener. You should listen to me!"

Now the beer has been put into the glass. The massive head is partially the result of what we beer geeks call a "shitty pour." In my case, this occurred because I got distracted by a 65 lb. puppy. What I should do is take another try at this image where the head is half as thick like every other glass. However, I am now cuddling said puppy on the sofa and do not have a camera handy. So fuck journalistic integrity. This is a beer review, not something that is really held to any objective standard.

Mystic Brewery says the following about Descendant:

"Mystic Descendant is a beer descended from the cultural history of the Boston harbor area.  A dry Irish stout meets an English porter and is then fermented in the fermentorium with our saison yeast with a touch of the ubiquitous ingredient from the area's past: molasses.  The result is a uniqe[sic] beer; it has more dark fruit than a porter and less roast than a traditional stout, while having a different ester profile than a Belgian stout.  We thus dubbed our recipe a Suffolk Dark Ale, as an homage to our immigrant ancestors." Source: http://www.mystic-brewery.com/beer/mystic-descendant

As an IPA, this is absolutely terrible. It is dry like a nice stout but has these fruity undertones with less roast and this nice underlying hint of molasses. There's also a hint of a yeasty undertone that plays nicely off the aforementioned flavors. However, everybody know that the good beers are IPAs out of Vermont. So maybe this gets better as it warms up and the molasses comes out more. But I got it at Julio's while waiting for the wife to get out of work and didn't drive 5+ hours so it can't possibly be good! 

All assholery aside, I've got to say that this beer is absolutely delightful. The fruitiness with the sweetness and the dryness is borderline sublime. These elements were always there during previous tastings but seem to really pop with a bit of age on it. It makes me want to watch The Great Muppet Caper and dance along with Kermit as he sings about "Steppin Out With A Star." So you know what? Screw writing this blog. I'm giving in to impulse. Nice job, dudes. I'll hit the tasting room with my Muppet sometime and perform a musical number for you.

Douche Check 2013: Tree House Brewing Co.

As some of you might recall, I wrote a lovely little missive about Tree House Brewing Co. back in July of last year. A bit over half a year later, demand has forced them to upgrade from a very shiny little set up to something much larger and much shinier. Bartenders at the world-class Armsby Abbey have been heard plugging them. Hell, the dudes are such rockstars parking for the party that is a regular Saturday at the brewery got the cops called in at one point. So as a private service, I decided to swing through a few hours before the first major storm since Nemo and check if Dean, Damien, Nate, that guy whose name I will never remember, Maxine's Mom, or Lauren started making it easy to be a cynical douche yet.

The barn was more crowded than the average Metal Thursday at Ralph's in Worcester. Dean announced that some confusing regulation came down from a governing body and there would be no samples as it might possibly be illegal. Fills were taking an hour+ to complete. I had to defuse a near fist fight over parking in the driveway with mockery. The non-MC types were clearly wearied by an intense brew day. Yet, people were happy as all hell to be there. It was as though the knowledge they were getting Tree House beer over rode all the usual pettiness and snide hipsterism that makes me pretty okay with not being active in the craft beer scene anymore. At least until they went outside and saw the parking situation. Then they'd come back in, notice the wood stove, have some presumably tasty salsa, and snuggle in contentedly. Even the guy who'd driven down from CT at the behest of his son seemingly because the kid couldn't wait in line himself was in good spirits.

Of course, none of that would matter if the change of equipment impacted the beers or the guys decided to pay for expansion by downgrading ingredient quality. I'd love to analyze in detail but  they weren't doing samples and That's What She Said is a Milk Stout which I avoid due to issues with lactic sugars and I forgot my 750ml to grab some Dirty Water (a. k. a. MY PRECIOUSSSSS even if Nate insists that isn't Gollum on the label art) for reference. So all I can go on is 64 fluid ounces of Julius.
My previous experience with this one was so fantastic I dropped an extra $6.00 and bought the official Tree House glass. Something I love to do with a good IPA is inhale deeply as I take my first swallow. It makes the hops pop to the forefront more. While there are glasses with space for my schnoz in the house, they (GASP) go through the dishwasher and are used for things other than beer! With Flower Power or Double Trouble, I'm fine spending ten minutes scrubbing then sanitizing with my mead making supplies. But Julius? This mother deserves a virgin vessel untouched by clingy detergents or food residue.
In my head, I've been hyping this beer as at least equal to the (admittedly few) Vermont IPAs I've met. Despite being unable to get a drop since July, I knew in my heart of hearts that this delightfully drinkable little juice bomb would easily be worth the two six packs of damned impressive IPAs I'd give up in its name. What makes it hardest to be a cynical douche about Tree House is the fact that I really didn't over hype this beer. It is fucking fantastic. Maybe it's the Folk Metal talking but I find myself thinking that the guy who tries to make me feel like a charlatan for not making pilgrimages to Burlington, VT once a month should be put to the sword. That first sip thing I mentioned where I inhale deeply? 1/4 of the way through my second glass I'm still doing it because drawing every possible iota of delight out of Julius should be mandatory.

How un-cynical was I made by all of this? Here's the label for my first mead. I spent two months fussing over this thing, hours researching, and dropped cash I didn't have on equipment. It's named Dean in honor of the M. C. of Tree House and even includes a pun based on his profession. If this seems a lame way to close, I had honestly hoped anyone reading this had half a lick of sense, stopped reading, and was on their way to Tree House by now. If not, this song is for you.

The Not-so-Great-or-Organized Doctor Who Watch Through Vol. 1: It's all about the Hartnell YEAH! The Hartnell! YEAH! Give me a piece of that... bacon?

One day, the ex decided we needed to follow up our first watch-through of Buffy the Vampire Slayer with James Marsters kissing another dude. A kindly friend of hers informed us the relevant episode of Torchwood was awesome but we needed to contextualize it with at least the first series of the revived Doctor Who. Russel T. Davies' sci-fi/soap opera/Whedon-worship formula worked well for me. Then I went through a couple regenerations and curiosity about the character really set in. So now through the wonder of Blogspot, you get to read my inane ramblings as I try to watch every surviving episode and in some cases reconstructions of the lost ones!
So here are a few things you should probably know:
 1) I'm using the numbering numbering scheme found on Wikipedia's List of Doctor Who Serials.
 2) My sources are a combination of the C/W Mars library network, Netflix, and the kindness of fellow Whovians. As such, I've got minimal control over what's available to me when and will jump around.
3) This initiative started a good two years ago but got derailed by multiple deaths in my family. There were some notes made most of which I will endeavor to parse and make readable. Other times, I will find myself bemused by their oddity and just leave them be.

Serial 001 - An Unearthly Child
I was very pleasantly surprised by this serial. People kept talking about how dated everything was. However, the establishing shots of the TARDIS were timeless. I went in knowing why a police box warranted so much screen time and still wanted them to tell me why. Susan spouting science beyond her years/era and her teachers subsequent curiosity felt quite natural. The whole "The Doctor=Grandfather" thing threw me for a bit of a loop at first but I wished Hartnell's Doctor was my own grandfather soon enough and got over my initial shock.
While I wanted to hop in the TARDIS with Grampa Doctor and suffer his awesome brand of contemptuous verbal abuse fairly quickly, that desire faded a smidge once the story kicked into overdrive. I prefer my quests for fire full of dueling guitars and soaring  vocals. Still, Hartnell was fun to watch. Started hoping fairly early on that the man-of-science/man-of-action combination I knew from later Doctors would kick in quickly so they could ditch Ian Chesterton. Dig the actor and all but if there's a spare adult around, part of me wants them put solely on "stop Susan from letting off that bloody piercing shriek" duty. All in all, not bad and I'll happily watch some more.

Serial 002 - The Daleks
Part of my sporadic desire to be a British kid in the 1960's stems from the first Dalek experience being 2005's "Dalek." I get that it had a nice long shot establishing stairs were no longer terrifying but when the first unstoppable, remorseless, brutal, supreme killing machine you ever see goes emo seemingly to give The Doctor another reason to want to smooch Rose, it's sort of natural to feel a bit robbed. At least in this episode, the only thing approximating a "human moment" for the Daleks is the fact they want to kill the Thalls. Personally, if I had to deal with a bunch of melodramatic pretty boys prancing around in the forest with their perfect pecs and blond-haired blue-eyed beauty giving soliloquise about peace, I'd want to kill the bastards pretty hard too. There's some serious silly going on in the form of the ultimate enemy being limited to moving on specially treated metal plates but they're still bad ass enough that I had to hide an eye while a toilet plunger was thrust at Barbara. All in all, a very worthwhile viewing experience.

Serial 003 - The Edge of Destruction
The first serial established the "history book" approach and the second did the same for sci-fi stories. This one was all about character development. Ian is shown to be more than just brawn and The Doctor displays a bit of heart. Feel much of what this one accomplished could've been done through subplots woven into "proper" episodes but honestly it's the first season so I can understand some clunking in  the gears.

Serial 004 - Marco Polo
When I heard 108 episodes were lost but I needn't fear as geeks who made my charity fundraising in honor of a dead TV show crew look a but south of diehard had done some reconstructions, I was a bit unsure about attempting a watch through. The Loose Cannons crew honestly did a very nice job on this one. They had an amazing variety of stills at their disposal and the audio quality only became an issue on a commuter train once or twice. As for the episodes themselves, I felt the pacing was somewhat shit. If I tried to summarize seven episodes here, it would take one paragraph. So much of what was going on involved showing off set dressing and teaching a bit of history. Perhaps if the video still existed, things wouldn't drag so much. All in all, a bit dry but not too shabby.

Serial 005 - The Keys of Marinus
Interesting approach to storytelling on this one. The TARDIS  crew need to gather multiple keys and episodes become little quests to do so. Weird BDSM bikers who I somehow got the impression were reptilian try to stop them. Much "look at science and technology gone awry and BEWARE" and narrow escapery ensue. The plant episode in particular shows a lot of thought went into this serial so I don't want to be flip but it really didn't grab me.

Serial 006 - The Aztecs
This one was a lot more fun than I expected. There was an obvious desire to educate the kids about Aztec culture. However, they approached it in some enjoyable ways. Barbara is mistaken for a god, decides the prime directive is for wimps, and nearly gets her friends killed. Ian winds up in period costumes wrestling another burly man. The Doctor arrogantly professes he understands the meaning of cocoa and winds up accidentally marrying someone. It felt like there was less lecturing about how history worked and more history teaching those who tried to tell it how things were a lesson in this serial. For me, that made things a bit less dry and a lot easier to watch.

Serial 007 - The Sensorites
Conspiracy! Intrigue! Diplomacy! Funky looking aliens! Fairly effective suspense! Important life lessons for our political leaders! (You know those raw, unedited notes I said I might share at some point? Enjoy!)!
p, s, !!!!!!!!

next up: It's still all about Hartnell, Alfie.

Beers of the Week Part IV: So apparently making a shitty fourth movie then calling it the first doesn't compensate for a crap script, eh Georgie?

Wachusett Homegrown Hop Ale-This one's simple but tasty. It's a moderately hoppy pale ale. The brew manages to pull off simple drinkability without being so boring as to warrant water comparisons.
90/100

Wachusett-Oktoberfest
I remembered adoring this beer in 2010. The 2011 didn't go down so smoothly, though. It was still fairly delightful but I picked up this weird semi-metallic taste. That's true of another brewery in area so I'm wondering if it's water related.
85/100

Blue Hills-Wampatuck Wheat
This one is a bit odd. It has a semi-cloying sweetness going on. The wife says that enhances the flavor. I say it distracts from the wheat flavors and therefore sort of sucks.
75/100

Shipyard-Pumpkinhead
I would just assume dump some pumpkin pie type spices on my tongue. It tastes about the same, costs less, and is equally nauseating.
40/100

Botswain American IPA
This one tasted a bit... stale. Not the worst IPA ever but far from the best.
60/100

White Birch-2
Anniversary ales should celebrate a brewery's successes. This one honestly tastes alot like Trader Joe's Winterfest but a bit less drinkable.
55/100

Wormtown-Be Hoppy
I needed an IPA that tasted vaguely fresh after the Botswain. This one hit the spot.
85/100

- Posted using The Hammer

Beers of the Week Pt. 3: Isn't it Ironic How Every Revision Brings George Lucas One Step Closer To Being Emperor Palpatine?

Jack's Abby-Framinghammer Baltic Porter
It's sort of amazing how fast this tasty beast of a beer can get you Framinghammered. Nicely malty, luxuriously smooth. Only reason I don't fill all three of my growlers with this is the astounding quality of the rest of their lineup.
95/100

Jack's Abby-Hoponious Union
Discussion of this beer reminds me why I write a blog and don't post on review sites. It would be better if it was a true Dortmunder! It's not an IPA! Only bright side of that gum flapping is there's more of this near perfectly hopped lager for me to quaff.
94/100

Jack's Abby-Naughty or Spice Holiday Lager
This one proved to me how silly many "pumpkin" beers were. As the name suggests, it's a lager with spices. My first impression was "geeze it's like that stuff my friend made me try around Halloween but with traces of honey and a better balance between the spices and you know... Beer." If this were a cup of tea, it wouldn't be mine but it's still a decent beer.
90/100

Joseph's Brau-Winterfest
Of all the Trader Joe's contract brews I have tried, this is the only one I'm considering rebuying for myself. Most of their stuff falls into the "good value for money but not really noteworthy in any way" realm of beer. I don't like doppelbocks very much and my guess is this one's bordering on crap for the style because I find its bitterish brown bread semi-fruity vague sweetness quite appealing.
75/100

Blue Hills Brewery-Black Hops
The name of this one seems to be a point of contention for some. It's dark enough to justify the "black" bit but the roasty malts pretty thoroughly overshadow the "hops." It has less of that odd, sometimes cloying sweetness of some of the Blue Hills line and is honestly quite tasty. Stop focusing on what isn't there and start frickin' drinkin' hipster scum!
82/100

Blue Hills Brewery-12 oz. IPA
I avoided visiting the brewery for six months due to how bleh this contract brew was. While their real or "Pub Draft" IPA is a nicely hopped, go-to down around my old apartment the smaller sized packie version wasn't much of anything. It bordered on Bud levels of hop stinginess and the resulting beer didn't strike me as worthy of five minutes worth of gas to scope out HQ. This mess is an argument for sitting on whomever you contract out to.
12/100

Pretty Things-Jack D'Or
Ever wonder why so many hipsters grow big staches? This beer is so wicked pissah that it can't merely be enjoyed by strategically visible ironic sipping; they must become the bottle mascot! Cold-medicine induced "hey it seemed funny at the time and it's not like anyone reads this pablum anyhow so I'll indulge myself" humor aside, this is the sort of stuff which I'd brave the emotional anguish and drive to Westport to retrieve growlers of if it was sold where it was brewed. If unicorns heal wounds with their horns and poop life affirming rainbows when they gallop, then Jack D'or is their cure-all sweat that could stop the tensions in Iran.
Wheeeeeeeeeeee/100