Beers of the Week Pt. 3: Isn't it Ironic How Every Revision Brings George Lucas One Step Closer To Being Emperor Palpatine?

Jack's Abby-Framinghammer Baltic Porter
It's sort of amazing how fast this tasty beast of a beer can get you Framinghammered. Nicely malty, luxuriously smooth. Only reason I don't fill all three of my growlers with this is the astounding quality of the rest of their lineup.
95/100

Jack's Abby-Hoponious Union
Discussion of this beer reminds me why I write a blog and don't post on review sites. It would be better if it was a true Dortmunder! It's not an IPA! Only bright side of that gum flapping is there's more of this near perfectly hopped lager for me to quaff.
94/100

Jack's Abby-Naughty or Spice Holiday Lager
This one proved to me how silly many "pumpkin" beers were. As the name suggests, it's a lager with spices. My first impression was "geeze it's like that stuff my friend made me try around Halloween but with traces of honey and a better balance between the spices and you know... Beer." If this were a cup of tea, it wouldn't be mine but it's still a decent beer.
90/100

Joseph's Brau-Winterfest
Of all the Trader Joe's contract brews I have tried, this is the only one I'm considering rebuying for myself. Most of their stuff falls into the "good value for money but not really noteworthy in any way" realm of beer. I don't like doppelbocks very much and my guess is this one's bordering on crap for the style because I find its bitterish brown bread semi-fruity vague sweetness quite appealing.
75/100

Blue Hills Brewery-Black Hops
The name of this one seems to be a point of contention for some. It's dark enough to justify the "black" bit but the roasty malts pretty thoroughly overshadow the "hops." It has less of that odd, sometimes cloying sweetness of some of the Blue Hills line and is honestly quite tasty. Stop focusing on what isn't there and start frickin' drinkin' hipster scum!
82/100

Blue Hills Brewery-12 oz. IPA
I avoided visiting the brewery for six months due to how bleh this contract brew was. While their real or "Pub Draft" IPA is a nicely hopped, go-to down around my old apartment the smaller sized packie version wasn't much of anything. It bordered on Bud levels of hop stinginess and the resulting beer didn't strike me as worthy of five minutes worth of gas to scope out HQ. This mess is an argument for sitting on whomever you contract out to.
12/100

Pretty Things-Jack D'Or
Ever wonder why so many hipsters grow big staches? This beer is so wicked pissah that it can't merely be enjoyed by strategically visible ironic sipping; they must become the bottle mascot! Cold-medicine induced "hey it seemed funny at the time and it's not like anyone reads this pablum anyhow so I'll indulge myself" humor aside, this is the sort of stuff which I'd brave the emotional anguish and drive to Westport to retrieve growlers of if it was sold where it was brewed. If unicorns heal wounds with their horns and poop life affirming rainbows when they gallop, then Jack D'or is their cure-all sweat that could stop the tensions in Iran.
Wheeeeeeeeeeee/100